09/09/09 A Sense of Accomplishment !

It’s hard to believe that fall is here, the school bus is running past our house first thing in the morning, the days are getting shorter and the nights are a bit cooler. The summer seems like a distant memory as our sights turn to autumn. But as I think back on this summer I can feel a great sense of accomplishment in all the performances and workshops that I was able to do. The concerts at the beginning of July were a bit of a stretch, but as the summer progressed I became more and more comfortable with performing and what I could and could not accomplish. Although at times things were really difficult and uncomfortable, I am so pleased that at least I have been able to get out and perform the bulk of my summer schedule. For that I am extremely thankful. And although there are still physical issues to work out, numbness in my hand and difficuty swallowing, I can honestly see some wonderful improvements. Now I can start to turn my sights on our September concerts, The ADK museum this weekend and the Dulcimer master class and concert with the Susquehanna String Band next weekend {Sept. 18-20} at our farm in Red Creek. It won’t be long now and we’ll be talking about the first frost!

I hope that next week will be a good one. On Monday I go to Clifton Springs for lab work and a visit with my chemotherapy oncologist. It has been two months since I have been to the hospital and I look forward to sharing my progress with them. After a long conversation with the radiation oncologist’s office last week, it is my hope that I will be able to have the peg tube removed on Monday. I have been able to gain a little weight and hold it with out having to use the peg tube for about the last two weeks. The radiation oncologist has approved having it taken out but I need to get clearance from the stomach doctor when I see them. I realized that I have had the peg tube for over six months and when I needed it the most this spring it really was a life safer. I can’t imagine how I could have gotten through the treatments without it. If I can have it removed it will be another major step in this recovery and a huge emotional boost as well. I am also scheduled for another petscan on Sept. 28th. The insurance company has approved it and I hope it will give us a little more direction than the scan did back in June.

As always I am so very moved by the wonderful response of everyone in this great community. All of your thoughts and prayers continue to help Peggy and I get through some of these long days during my recovery period. It has been so wonderful to see so many of you at performances this summer and I do look forward to seeing many of you this fall. Keep those vibes coming and if you think about it send a little extra vibe late Monday morning with the hopes of having the peg removed!! Have a wonderful week, take a few minutes to savor your accomplishments and as always I’ll look for you at 7:00.

August 30, 2009 Inspiration !!

Sorry its been a little while since I have posted anything but it has been a wonderfully busy few weeks !! The intergenerational camp at Great Camp Sagamore went really well. It was a great group and wonderful way for Sagamore to finish Grands for the summer. Last week Peggy and I were in Maine. I went to Mt Desert Island and had a wonderful time with some good friends who live on Otter Cliffs road, the seas were wild from the tropical storm off shore and on Monday Henry took us out in his Lobster boat to check things out !! One of the highlights of the trip was getting back over to Little Cranberry Island and having a chance to see an old friend, Ashley Bryan. Ashley is a wonderful author, painter and storyteller who is a full time resident of Islesford. At 86 years young his creative juices are still flowing strong and his enthusiasm for life is contagious ! He showed us all the original art work for his new book that will be released later this year“All things bright and beautiful”. It was such an inspiration to spend some time with him and so great to find him in good health and still loving every minute of every day !! A lesson that I have learned myself. Also while on the island I got to have some wonderful food,{lots of lobster and sea food !} thanks so much Gail. I spent the second half of the week at Meadowlark music camp helping Peggy with her classes and doing a concert set together. It was wonderful to see everyone who had been so incredibly supportive of Peggy and I during the winter and fall. It was also great to see some old friends and play some wonderful music. We arrived home on Sat. evening and today we are both feeling refreshed and ready to get into our Fall mode !!

Things are progressing nicely and over the last few weeks I have been able to eat some softer meats like chicken and roast beef and I am slowly beginning to put some more weight on. I am still resting during the day when I can, and enjoying the bursts of energy when they happen. The music work has become more comfortable and I don’t feel as panicked about performing as I did during the beginning of the summer, also my voice is slowly becoming a bit stronger even as low as it is. I feel a great sense of accomplishment having been able to perform most of my summer gigs. Although I still get a bit tired out it has been an enormous emotional and psychological boost! I hope to be able to have the peg tube taken out some time in the first few weeks of September if all goes well. I’ll also see the chemotherapy oncologist on Sept.14th. It has been such a treat to see so many of you at concerts throughout the summer. Words can’t describe how grateful I am to be able to be out playing music and for all the support shown to Peggy and I as my recovery progresses. We are really looking forward to our Fall music schedule and seeing so many of you along the way. Our friend Annette Backus from Maine sent us a wonderful “Soft Food” poem that I have posted below, Thanks Annette! Thanks so much again for all the support and I’ll look for you at 7:00.


The Food Mood
Annette Backus

The year I got Cancer, the doc’s had the answer
Soft foods were what I had to eat
So we pondered and thought, what’s allowed and what’s not
And developed a list - quite a feat

Some choices were clear, I could probably have beer
Although peanuts were out, what a bummer
I couldn’t eat steak, so make no mistake
This would not be my favorite summer

Although I’m quite mellow {?}, I couldn’t stand jello !
I really craved something to crunch
And I got quite rude, when thinking about food
Whether breakfast, or dinner or lunch.

So Peggy and I came up with a plan
That has worked for us all through my healing
What I can do, is pretend how to chew
Which can make any food quite appealing.

So… now I enjoy any food that I want
Crunchy or chewy, no matter
The only drawback to, though to “virtual” foods,
Is that they cannot make me fatter !

8/11/09 Small bursts of energy !!

It has been a wonderful week of traveling and performing with some really nice programs. Highlights include Café Lena, a dance at Tannery Pond and the Adirondack Music festival in Schroon Lake over the weekend. One of the best parts of doing the gigs is getting to see so many folks who have been so supportive of Peg and I during this whole process, it really is touching and for me quite emotional. I am starting to feel more comfortable performing, a month ago each job was a bit of a panic and I was not sure how things would work out, but the more we’re out playing the more natural it is beginning to feel. I am also starting to get some little bursts of energy every once in a while, it really gives me hope for things to turn around even more as time passes. Eating is still a chore but I have started to be able to eat some soft chicken and cold cuts and that has really helped a lot. Also this week I hade my first beer in over six months! The first sip went right up my nose but then things settled down and I was able to sip it down. Unfortunately it is still quite a job to get food and drink of any type down but the main thing is that I am seeing progress and that is a wonderful thing!! I am still getting quite tired from the performances but a little bit of napping can go a long way and the positive impact of being out working is just amazing.

Yesterday I saw the ENT and it was a really good visit. He reviewed my last pet scan and showed me where most of the up tick in activity is. Basically its right where most of the surgery and the bulk of the radiation was concentrated, so he also believes we need to wait until later this summer or fall when my throat has healed more to do another scan and see if things are looking clearer. He feels for a little over 3 months post treatment that I am doing great and actually was pretty amazed that I am able to do as much as I have been doing. He also was encouraging about the numbness in my hand. He has seen the carple tunnel nerve be affected by Chemotherapy many times before and thought there was a good chance that in time it might heal itself. He did look down my throat and told me it is far from being healed but the throat is making slow progress. The best news is I only need to see him every other month now, down from once a month and that is really encouraging!!

This is going to be another busy week but I am really looking forward to it! After the weekend I will doing a week of intergenerational camp at great camp Sagamore and if all goes well I may even be able to get the lost pond boat in the water. I can’t tell you thankful I am for each and every day and that I can be out doing what we love best, it really seems like a miracle to me after all that happened this Spring! But I know that this healing process would not be as successful without all of the wonderful thoughts and prayers coming from so many of you. I know I have said it before but it means so much to Peggy and I and I am so grateful. I look forward to seeing some of you later this summer and fall and as always I’ll be looking for you at 7:00 !!

7/29/09 “Carpe Diem” !!

We have all heard the old Latin saying “Carpe Diem”, loosely translated to mean seize the day. I have always loved this saying and for the most part tried to live my life the best that I could to make the most out of each day. But after going thru cancer and all that treatments bring to the table that old Latin saying has certainly taken on new life for me. It’s hard to put into words, but when you start having little moments of feeling like your old self things you are used to doing can take on a new or more intensive meaning. As I have been getting out and performing this has certainly become the case. And even though I am still a long way from the end of the recovery process I am so thankful to be out playing music. It can be exhausting and because weight has been hard to gain I really need a fair amount of help with hauling, setting up and breaking down sound. It looks like I will be able to do most of the summer performances, but I have had to cancel a few performances where I would be by myself for several nights in a row without help. But everyday takes on its own new meaning, and although we all know that life is finite and we have no guarantees in life, the moment, the day, this day becomes ever so sweeter. The photo this week is with my good friend Tom Hodgson at a concert we did in Brewerton NY last week . Last weekend we played for the Cranberry Dulcimer festival and this week I will be traveling with Peggy and doing some concerts with Peg and Dan Berggren later this week and this weekend. Eating is still the main issue but I am doing my best to get as many calories as I can, and I am in the process of writing some sort of soft food song !!! Slowly my energy level is coming back but it will be a while before my energy is back to what used to be normal. But the good news is that I am getting little pieces of that kind of energy every once in a while and music is usually involved. Stay tuned.

It has been wonderful to see so many of you as we are out doing concerts and workshops, it brings up to me the kindness and generosity that has been shown to Peggy and I this winter and spring. And for that I am forever grateful. Remember to make the most of every day, today is your day !! Carpe Diem !! I’ll look forward to seeing many of you as the summer progresses and in the meantime I’ll look for you at 7:00.

7/22/09 Setting goals

During March and April as I was going thru treatments it was really hard to see how any of our summer schedule would be able to happen. Looking thru the lens of uncertainty is a really difficult thing to do and none of us can tell the future. None the less I set it upon myself to have a few goals that I hoped I could reach. One goal was to be able to perform at the beginning of July with the Susquehanna String Band and the Symphony of Northern NY as well many other performance dates on the calendar for the summer season. The other main goal I had was to able to be healthy enough to attend my wife’s daughter Winter’s wedding. Right now I feel really good that I was able to achieve both of those goals. Not to say that it has been easy or without challenge! Traveling with the limited amount of things I can eat is a real challenge, as well as getting the amount of rest needed to be successful, especially for performances. But I feel pretty good about being able to meet the goals that I have set and hopefully meet the ones that I am setting right now for the future. Just like going thru Cancer treatments, a lot of the success we have or don’t have can be attributed to our mental attitude and positive outlook. Many folks that I talked too during the spring encouraged me to shy away from setting these kind of goals for I was only setting myself up for disappointment if they were not met. But I really had to have some concrete things to shoot for as we continue to go thru this long recovery process. Goals really do make a difference and when we are successful it just helps us to continue to reach the on going goals that we set in life !!

Well playing music has been just a wonderful thing to say the least !! Last week I did an intergenerational camp at Great Camp Sagamore and then drove to Poughepsie to Winters wedding and then back to Inlet for a Saturday evening concert on the lake with Peggy as the sun was setting. Things went well, but needless to say I really have to make adjustments to be able to perform with the challenges I am facing. One of the more interesting side effects has been my voice dropping in pitch. Its hard to sing where I used to so we have to lower the keys of the songs to adjust. This weekend I will be the featured Hammered Dulcimer artist at the Cranberry Dulcimer and Autoharp festival held at the Kellish Hill Farm in Pompey NY. I am really looking forward to it and especially the concert on Saturday night with Tom Hodgson and Henry Jankiewicz. The concerts are all open to the public so if you are around central NY. I would love to see you. Also a great big thank you to Carl Heilman, Dan Berggren, Casie Filliaci, and Nancy Brown for holding the wonderful benefit for Peggy and I last Sunday night at Tannery Pond community center in North Creek NY. I was too pooped to make it but all the reports were fantastic and Peg and I so appreciate all the time and effort donated to make the event such a success. And a big thank you to all of you who have been so incredibly encouraging and supportive as we go thru this recovery period. Remember to set goals for yourself, it can really help to keep us on track. I look forward to hopefully seeing many of you later this summer and as always I will look for you at 7:00 !

7/14/09 Lessons Learned !

One of the first things we did when we started going thru this Cancer maze was to start an accordion file and keep copies of all of our many scans, reports etc. so we always would have them when seeing different doctors. After having the last pet scan, {we had to wait quite a while to get results} and after things looked a bit unsettled I just wanted to get in the car and put a lot of this behind us, which is exactly what we did. This week I went to see the ENT {ear, nose and throat specialist} who I see each month to make sure there are no changes and I was really looking forward to getting his take on the latest Pet scan. But when I finally got to see him, he did not have a copy of the scan and I was just kicking myself for momentarily letting my guard down and not having copies of the latest scan. The next morning I called over to the oncologist office and had them fax a copy over to me. I was reminded once again that you have to be your strongest advocate when dealing with all of the people who are helping you thru your treatment and recovery.So next month when the ENT tells me he doesn't have a copy of pet scan I can just say here you go. If you can’t advocate for yourself then no one else most likely will !! A lesson well learned.

This week I am doing the music for the intergenerational camp at Great Camp Sagamore. I have a class with kids in the morning and then one in the afternoon and some activity in the evening. Last night we had a dance and I was so pleased at how well things went. My good friend Tom Hodgson joined me and it was just a treat to get to play and call again. I am really learning to pace myself, to make really good use of the headset microphone, and I make sure to get lots of rest {two naps on monday !}. Although the work does tire me out it is so wonderful to be out performing and doing my best at filling my summer schedule. The one thing that this whole experience has taught me is to be thankful for each day as it comes along. Every day will have it challenges but its how we meet those challenges that make the difference. Once again Peggy and I are so thankful for all of your generous help and support, it continues to make a huge difference as I go through these months of recovery. Also speaking of benefits, Dan Berggren and Carl Heilman will host a benefit for Peggy and I this Sunday evening July 19th at the Tannery Pond Community center in North Creek NY. Carl will present his new program “I am the Adirondacks” that Dan, Peggy, Casie Filiachi and I did the music for. It is a wonderful program and we are ever thankful to Dan and Carl for putting the benefit together. We truly hope to see some of you at some point this summer and in the meantime keep those vibes coming !! I’ll look for you at 7:00 !

7/07/09 Persistence !!

This has been a really enjoyable week. I was able to do the performances with the Susquehanna String Band and the Symphony of Northern NY. The music was wonderful and lifted our spirits and certainly brightened our day. Not to mention how great it was to see and hang out with Rick and John for a few days. But I am finding that doing the gigs this summer will take a lot forethought, energy and persistence! My energy level is still considerably lower than what is normal for me, and one of the biggest challenges right now is eating on the road. I take some soft food with me and everything that is needed for the peg tube. Getting enough calories to sustain things is really a challenge and going out to eat can be an adventure!! I do really well at the 24 hour breakfast places! Eggs, pancakes, and omelets all manna from heaven right now. I am also trying to be smart about having enough time to rest up before and after jobs. Last night I called the dance for the intergenerational camp here at Great Camp Sagamore in northern NY. With the help of the remote headset microphone things went pretty well. I am finding that my voice has become a bit deeper, (the speech therapist mentioned that this is really common from radiation anywhere near the vocal chords) and when I sing I will need to lower the keys of the songs so singing will be more comfortable !

As I look at our summer performance schedule, I know that I will have to take one day at a time and be as persistent as I can until things start to level out a little more.And as challenging as things may seem, I am truly thrilled to be able to be making music this summer. Positive attitude and persistence are two things that my Dad passed down to me and now I am finding the great virtue of these during this challenge of recovering from cancer treatments! I will continue to see the ENT every month and the oncologists every three months. In the meantime, I’ll keep the blog going every week with any updates that do occur! I hope to see you at a performance sometime this summer. And remember the power of persistence, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Thanks so much again for all the support and thoughts that are coming our way, it is appreciated more than you will ever know . I’ll look for you at 7:00.